Dear Sam...

Warning...long post!!

After MUCH contemplation, Jason and I decided to get Sam a phone for his birthday. I must admit, it wasn't an easy decision.  We went back and forth for some time about it. I was pretty adamant that he did not need one, Jason was more open to the idea (imagine that!) "Why and what will he use it for?" was my biggest question as a few other...was he old enough, did he really need it, what would he use it for, who will pay for it...and the biggest concern we had was the social media that would be available to him.

You want to protect your kids from EVERYTHING (yes, I know it's not realistic) and allowing Sam dabble in social media scares me. Some would say, just don't let him get on instagram or Kik or social media. But I do know that eventually Sam will get on those sights and I need to take a pro-active role.  At this time, Sam still appreciates our advice, guidance, suggestions and directions. I thought instead of waiting until middle school, where he will think he knows it all, I should take advantage of this time to introduce social media, while Sam is still open to the guidance. It was the right time for us and the right time for Sam.

Sam does have an i-touch which has opened some social media to him. I know all the passwords and check it ALL THE TIME!! Call me a stalker! I'm ok with that...and I have to say, I am surprised (and slightly shocked) what boys and girls, at Sam's age, put out there!  WOW!!

It's amazing how you assume that your child would know how to navigate social media...but Sam did need some guidance - more than once. Meaning: what is appropriate to say, comment on, like and post. Before he posts things, he must check it with us. That may sound crazy, but once it's out there it's out there forever and up to public scrutiny and interpretation.

We talked a lot to Sam about how even text messages aren't really private. the person you text can show others what you said or people can look at your phone and see what you have been saying. Sam did learn that the hard way, but it was a good lesson.

One thing that came up, that hadn't even touched my radar screen, was that the number of "likes" you get on something does not equal your popularity (lack of a better word), coolness or how many friends you have in REAL life!  Real friends are REAL! We are still working on this one!

So after much contemplation...and I mean MUCH. We decided to bite the bullet and get him a phone. Then I remembered an article I had seen in the paper about a mom that wrote a contract with her son about his new phone. I found the article on line, read it and made up a contract with Sam.

Here's the contract:


Dear Sam,
Happy Birthday!  You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good and responsible kiddo and your dad and I believe that you are deserving of a gift like this. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is our job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership. We love you madly & look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.

1. It is our phone.  We bought it.  We pay for it.  We are loaning it to you. Aren’t we the greatest?!

2.  We will always know all of the passwords.

3.  Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever.

4.  Remember, if you would not make a call to someone’s land line, where their parents may answer first, then do not call or text at that time either. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. 
*Field trips and other school activities will require special consideration.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn,  do chores, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person. This is huge. 

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents (or your own) in the room. Censor yourself.

10. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person – preferably me or your father.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

12. Do not send pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear – including a bad reputation. Do not forward photos, texts or emails that would hurt another person or their reputation.

13. Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity. (and in your mother's scrapbooks!)

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO=fear of missing out.

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons. (Your dad will help you with this to no end!!)

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then. Real ones...on paper!

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

18. Your friends cannot use your phone. Remember, what ever they post on your phone will have YOUR name connected. If your friends break your phone, you are still responsible for the cost of fixing or replacing.

18. You will mess up.  We will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You, your dad and I are always learning.  We are on your team. We are in this together.

It is our hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine.  We love you.  We hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone.  Happy Birthday!
xoxoxo
Mom and Dad


Jason and I read and reread this contract and thought it was awesome! We rock!!

The three of us sat down and talked about each number and we did need to do some editing. 

And then as all kids do, Sam surprised us...after he read number one. He got teary. He was sad. He understood number one to be that the phone is mine (his mother's,) I will carry it around like I do my phone and will hand it to him when he ask for it. We had to explain it was his, but we had control over it.  That helped.

So, then we are eating dinner and his phone ring, a friend calling. He gets up and answers it. He comes back and sits down.  I am looking at him like WHAT THE @*&^@!! I told him, "We don't answer the phone during dinner!" He looks at me and said, "My contract says I am to answer the phone."  oh. So, we took that out of number 3 to just don't ignore your phone when your parents are calling.

Later that night, he was sitting on the couch. Something was up..I could tell. I asked. He answered, "I'm scared to use my phone. I am afraid I'll break a rule."

I explained to him, that he will have questions, he will mess up...then we will sit down, talk about it and start again..that's life. We want him to know that we are on his team and that we were new at this and we are learning right along with him.

So, I asked him if he was or had done any of the above things? No, he responded. I told him that I suggested that he then keep using his phone in the manner that he was doing...because that is exactly how we want you to use it.

He smiled. Then went off to text his friends.

Click here to read the original contract created by a mom for her son!